On Sunday, September 3, 2017, my best-friend and little sister got engaged to her beau. We couldn’t be more excited for them as they move into the next phase of their lives. I remember going to her house after my husband proposed to me almost three years ago. She shared in the entire process from the day we got engaged to my wedding day and beyond. Of all the people in my bridal party, she’s the only one I still talk to on a consistent basis.
So to my sister and future brother in law I’d like to share some nuggets of wisdom with you and every other newly engaged couple out there.
- Marriage counseling can save your life. When my husband and I went through marriage counseling we took some personality tests, answered a lot of questions about ourselves and one another and engaged in some “getting to know my spouse” activities. Since we have been married I’ve recently started going to a spiritual advisor for counseling. Here is what I’ve gathered: You need to openly discuss any issues lingering in your relationship before you get married (they don’t go anywhere just because your name changes).
- Openly discuss sex. Now I know that seems taboo but it’s true. After finding myself inside of a Pastor’s office openly discussing my sex life, I have learned what God expects in marriage and the fullness thereof. Your wants, needs, and desires are not something to hide. Your spouse needs to know everything you want to do.
- Happiness is subjective. This is by far one of the most important things I can tell you. Just because you think something you are doing is making someone happy doesn’t mean it is. My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years and just today he said the sexiest thing to me “I’ll wash the dishes while you cook.” WHAT?!?!?! You’re volunteering to not only help me clean but you’re cleaning while I cook. My God!
- Pray for one another. WIthin the first year of my husband having his new truck, he was in five accidents! FIVE! None of them were his fault. I pray for my husband all the time. For his safety, for his peace of mind, for our finances.
- Learn how to budget for the life you want to live. This is super important. I’ve tried various things from watching youtube videos to following bloggers online that specialize in budgeting. I still haven’t figured this one out fully but it’s a daily work in progress. At my bridal blessing, I remember Dr. Oggs saying most marriages have issues because of money management. I’ve learned first hand no other statement is truer than this. Aside from infidelity, not having any money will drive people crazy.
- LIVE, LIKE & LOVE! Yup live your lives to the fullest. Travel the world and explore everything you possibly can together. Like each other. Seriously. Make the other person feel special and like they are wanted and appreciated. Take the five love languages online assessment and Love one another in your love languages.
- Be in love with the person you are marrying not the wedding. Now this one came from my mama. I remember her telling me this during my wedding planning process. Whenever I went left with an idea she would reel me back in with this one. The wedding industry thrives on emotional purchases. As a wedding cake designer, I know this is true first hand. Be in love with the man not the party,
I wish you much success and happiness in your lives.