May 5, 2016
When I woke up yesterday morning my bank’s account (all them) were looking a little thin, by 10 am one of them was in the red. By 1 pm all of them were positive and I no longer worried if we had enough. But at 11 am I had received some news from the doctor that was less than favorable. Dr. E told me I had lost weight since my last visit two months ago. She told me labs looks amazing. She said my sleep study showed no issues. She had the biggest smile on her face and nothing but joy in her voice as she read off this clean bill of health.
But still, last night I was angry with God. Prior to Dr. E coming in, the nurse came in to tell me that my pregnancy test was negative. Now while I knew it was a strong possibility the test would be negative I still hoped for a different out come. That morning I had prepared my kids for the possibility of mommy not being pregnant. I assured them and myself all would be well and it would happen in Gods timing. After I texted my husband the news he asked if I were okay? Of course, I said yes. I mean why wouldn’t I be okay?
Yet, last night I was angry with God. When I left the doctors office with a clean bill of health, 5 new cake orders, and a bank account running over more than it has all year I smiled and laughed and joked and played with my daughter. But once I got home all I wanted to do was get under the covers and stay there. I woke, got dressed for church and headed to our pre-service Praise Team rehearsal. Once I walked into the sanctuary I felt something happening. The more we sang, the more rebellious I felt. The more I didn’t want to “remix” a song with the other singers. I had an attitude and everybody knew it. I’m usually easy going and having a blast but not last night.
Last night I was angry with God. We took the stage, microphones in hand. Our church has a new (like 3 days old new sanctuary) and new sound system and prior to yesterday, I couldn’t wait to sing in all this newness. I stood there, stuck, all those faces looking at me, I’m trying to hold it together, trying not to cry, trying not to scream, trying not to throw my microphone, and even trying not to throw up. We sang three songs and while God is convicting me of my anger towards Him as we sing His praises, I’m still upset. Our minister of music prays….and man is he going in. The tears are falling. Not because Im sad but because our stage isn’t compatible to me running off. Im stuck. Im trapped in the midst of people worshiping God and thanking Him for blessing them. You know like I should have been for a clean bill of health, financial increase, a beautiful family, a loving husband…..but last night I was angry with God.
I didn’t even stay for service. I couldn’t I was too angry. I don’t understand why I couldn’t have this ONE thing. So I left. I left with tears rolling down my face. I left angry. I left mad with God. I went to bed mad at God. I even woke up mad. As I was getting dressed God began to show me all the ways he’s blessing me….and my “baby.” See four years ago I started my business, my third baby. I’ve been planting seeds and sowing into this business non-stop. When we starting trying to have another baby….I failed to realize God was in the process of bringing forth new life in my third baby….Adonai Desserts Atlanta. It’s literally impossible for one woman to get pregnant while giving birth! So while I was mad at God about not allowing me to be physically pregnant, He revealed that spiritually I was giving birth…..
I’m Chef Kimihou and this is my story of one woman’s journey through being a newly wed, a mother, a homeschool family, a teacher, a mentor, a cake artist and business owner. Welcome to my life.