Father’s day perspective from a former single mom

Fathers Day or Mom-doing-it-all-day?

For twelve years I was a single mom.  I have two children and due to whatever reasons their fathers are not a major component in their lives.  I can remember getting text messages every Fathers Day telling me “Happy Fathers Day.”  In the beginning, it was funny.  If I was mad at their dads it was an ego booster.  I’m not going to lie to you, there were some years I remember saying “I do the role of both, so why not.”

See, as a young single mom, I was in school full time, parenting and working a full-time job.  At some points, I was working two jobs.  I wasn’t one of those lucky women that get hundreds of dollars a month in child support.  I’ve been on government assistance.  I know what it’s like to be on WIC and SNAP.  I eagerly awaited the 5th of the month for my benefits to reload.  My kids received free lunch and as I struggled to make sure they never fully understood the extent of our circumstances, I was doing the job of multiple people.

The Young-Single-Mom-Syndrome

I was a young woman in her 20s who didn’t go out and party with her friends.  I missed an opportunity to join a sorority of choice because as an undergrad I had to be home with my son.  My support system was not always supportive.  I didn’t have the party experience in college.  I often had to find jobs in retail with flexible management schedules that worked well with the course offerings at my school.  I experienced disappointment, heartache, and trials.  Not only were their fathers not financially supportive they didn’t do much for my self-esteem either.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing them.  I made my bed and I’ve been dealing with it for fifteen years.  The small amount of money I (sometimes) receive never covered the cost of anything when it comes to raising kids.  It has always been a portion of my gas money during the week.

Fathers Day vs Mothers Day

Okay so let’s discuss this “Happy Father’s Day” text that goes out to Single Moms.  Until I got married it didn’t make a difference.  But once my husband took on the responsibility of being a father to my children, I formulated a different opinion. My husband is a caring and loving man.  He hugs the girl child and takes her on dates.  He has man-to-man conversations with the boy.  He shows my children what love and affection look like.

My husband works full-time and has his own business.  He get’s paid and it goes into the family account so we can pay bills and buy groceries.  As a work from home mom it’s a different position to be in than before.  Now we depend on his income.  Mommy isn’t “in control” of everything happening.  I depend on my husband.  His willingness to work. allows me to homeschool our crew.

I can not imagine why I ever thought it was appropriate to accept a Happy Fathers Day Message….

There are men who deserve to have their day.  As a former single mom, I urge all women to allow the fathers who are making a difference to enjoy their day.

Words of Encouragement

To the single mom doing it all.  I understand where you are right now.  I’ve been there.  I’ve lived your life.  I’ve struggled, I’ve cried, I’ve been in a deep depression right along with you.  I want to let you know there is hope.  Perhaps God is preparing you to handle the marriage He will bless you with.  Perhaps God is preparing you for something greater than marriage as a single woman.  Either way, please be encouraged and know that you will make it.



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